Tuesday, November 15, 2011

from my journal: random thoughts about deer in a somewhat cohesive manner

In the area where I live there are deer. Scads of deer - as i am sure there are in many other places.

So, the deer used to hang out in these nice expanses of wooded areas until developers blew up the trees. The deer used to hang out in vast acreages of field until developers dug up the earth & tall grasses. So, now the creatures are relegated to a 270 acre metro park about 5 minutes from my house. 270 acres may sound like a lot, but if one is part of a herd of white tailed deer..... all of that becomes equivalent to a family of 8 living in a New York studio apt. w/ a shared bathroom in the hallway. There are so many deer in this park that my husband & I have fondly nicknamed it "Crazy Deer Park". We don't go there very often any more.

Once my dog & I were walking at Crazy Deer & decided to take an unpaved trail (deer trail) into the woods. What we stepped into I can only describe as a deer encampment.  Small groups of resting deer dotted this small patch of woodland. They huddled together in groups of 3 or 4. Some stood tall & still. Some rested on their sides. All were watchful. The scene brought to mind hobo camps during the depression.  I imagined the animals gathered together under the night sky warming their hooves by a fire burning in a metal drum barrel discussing issues like where to find the sweetest jewel weed and how to cross the road safely.

I am also reminded of the "prawns" in the movie District 9 when I think of these deer. We have made these animals into "white-tailed rats", "hoofed varmints," as i have heard them called. We have allowed their stomping grounds to be blown up, dug up, built upon. Then we bitch because they eat out tulip bulbs.  Some people want to hunt them. Some people want to help them. Everyone seems to comment on "how many deer there are".  But I don't hear too many people speaking out against turning their homeland into tacky condominiums.

Some people find them to be a real joy. These people take great pleasure in leaving food along the trails of Crazy Deer for them. & I have seen these wanna be  Grizzly Adams types standing with outstretched arms coaxing one of these shy creatures to approach and eat out an open hand; as if all of life is simply a Disney movie. Craziness.

Although, sometimes it feels like a Disney movie walking through Crazy Deer in the wintertime. The park attract birders who frequently put down food on benches under trees with low hanging branches. Then they wait until the birds come. Walking towards a bench that has been abandoned by a hopeful birder can cause quite a flutter of finch wings, scampering of squirrel feet &, yes, often a slow shuffle of deer hooves.

As mentioned earlier, we do not walk at Crazy Deer too often any more. For one, the deer  stir up many feelings - sadness, awe, kinship and a lot of apprehension. It's one thing to stroll along the trails with a little white puff ball of a dog, or a big black mass of fur of a dog, but I have a medium sized, short haired, muscular, deer colored dog who finds great pleasure in rolling in deer droppings and scat.
Bella dear
She causes much curiosity and confusion among the hoofed ones. So, they often stop and stare - stretching the neck, squinting(I have been told that deer have rather poor eyesight), and sometimes creeping forward to check her out. Thank goodness my girl has floppy ears and a long toboggan curl tail or I would surely have to fend off a buck looking for love or a mama deer looking for her lost fawn. And mama deer are nothing to mess with. On more than one occasion we have experienced the insane anxiety of a doe protecting her fawn.

Once, Bella & I were walking on the path @ Crazy Deer. A doe sprang from the bushes and stomped her front hooves at us. I screamed. we started running. A few feet up the path she sprang again, this time rearing up on her hind legs. I pulled Bella behind me & began backing away all the while  jumping up & down, hollering and waving my arms. Mama deer stamped at the ground. Just then a skinny legged spotted fawn scampered out from behind his mama & ran right past us. Of course, this caused a great deal of excitement for my dog. So, I am yanking Bella around while jumping and hollering @ the doe. I'm hoping that one or two of the people walking around in the parking lot will head my way to check out the commotion - but to no avail. Then the doe stopped stamping and snorting and looked past me then at me. I had gotten Bella behind me again & was ready to do battle with this animal to protect my young. Maybe she figured that out. She glanced at my dog then our eyes met. For a second or two she & I just took each other in. Sounds weird, but it felt as though there was... like an understanding between us. Neither one held any ill will against the other. Bella & I quickly backed away to safety and the mama deer ran across the path after her babe.

On another occasion, my husband, Bella & I were chased by a doe who came to the edge of the path stamping and snorting at us. We started running. Hubby and dog are much faster than I. So I was left in the dust. The doe was running in the woods but alongside of me. It was very bizarre. I remember looking over and seeing her graceful brown body moving so effortlessly and gracefully through the foliage. It was a "wow" moment - and also a scary moment. There is no way that I could outrun a deer. If she had wanted to stomp me I was right there for the picking. Thankfully, at the edge of the wooded area she stopped, ruffled her tail, gave a warning snort then ambled back into the woods. As we circled our way back to the car, we met a couple old timers on the path and warned them. They informed us that the doe was protecting her dead fawn & that the rangers have been trying to get her to leave the area. Then they nonchalantly continued on. So, you can see why we don't frequent that park anymore.

The deer are stressed. & who can blame them. As a child, a deer sighting was an anomaly. You told people about it. It was strange. I remember, after hearing the story of Bambi, asking my mother why we never saw deer in our woods. She said because there were too many people around. There were no people around! We lived on 7 acres of woodland. We couldn't see the neighbors' houses. It was pure country.  Prime deer area if you ask me. But there was so much land for them. They could stay out sight and .... be deer.

Now, we have destroyed their homeland. We are essentially invaders. We've left small areas for them to hang out in, but that's really only because we haven't gotten to those places yet. And these are creatures who wander and travel throughout their day. Their stomping grounds have been destroyed & they are confused. The landscape does not match the world of their collective memories. So, they are trying to adapt. They are learning to be careful when they cross the road for example. But they don't know where to go. They hang out in backyards. They wander down our streets, across parking lots to strip malls. I have seen them in front of Barnes & Noble. WTF? An acquaintance recently told us that a deer came up and hit his dog in the back with her hoof. Luckily the dog wasn't hurt. This dog did not get away so easily.

But they are trying to adapt. The world must be a very frightening and strange place to them.

Near my house there is an airport. Just a small airport. You know. They give flying lessons, plane rides, etc. Affluent people park their planes there - small planes - you know... a place like that. It butts up against a golf course and a housing development. The landing field area is a path that the deer travel. For years the deer freely utilized this area. Recently, a fence - at least 10 feet high - has been erected in an effort to keep out the deer.

In my immediate neighborhood, there are no sidewalks. Because of this & in an effort to be a dynamic pack leader, I often drive Bella somewhere to walk. a few nights ago we parked at the Small airport. As we started our walk, there was a buck standing in a corner of the fence. Just standing and all pressed into the corner and watching. Like I said, deer always look at us as though they know us or something. We continued on, walked for about an hour then went back to the car. When we reached the car I looked to see if the buck was still by the fence. Nope. He was on the other side laying down on his side. He turned his head and looked at me. I walked a little closer and looked for an opening that he could hove gotten through. I did not see one. So, I asked him. "Hey," I called, "How did you get there? Did you jump this fence? Are you all right?" As if to answer, the young buck stood to his feet. He turned his antlered head and studied me for a moment, then slowly walked off into the night.

Fare thee well, deer. Fare thee well.

Friday, June 24, 2011

6/22/10

Because one day we may be old and institutionalized
and unable to enjoy the simple pleasure of sitting in our backyard on a summer's night,
We should grab this moment now
Breathe it deep into ourselves.
Allow ourselves to be filled completely to the brim
with the sensations of warm dark breezes on our skin
grass under our feet.
The sounds of leaves rustling overhead & the distant howl of a traveling train,
We must appreciate the far away flashes of lightening,
the change in temperature as a storm moves in.
We must inhale the earthy outside odors deep deep into ourselves - the mother's pungent soil, mixed with   tree bark and sweet wild roses.
Because one day we may be old and institutionalized
& only sit by trees on TV screens
while cold artificial air blows unceasingly on the backs of our achy necks
& being outside on a magical summer's night is a distant memory and a deep desire.......
We must grab this moment now.
Breathe it deep deep into the deepest depths of ourselves
& be filled completely to the brim and over the brim.....


Friday, June 17, 2011

Fooled ya .... kind of

Anyone who has been following this probably thinks that I've fallen off the sugar wagon and landed in a pile of breads, pasta, donuts and beer & have been wallowing in said pile to my piggish heart's content.

Well, not true.... not really anyway. These are some reasons I have not been posting on this topic:

1. Everything has been very incredibly busy lately and there has just not been time to post.
2. By posting about my self-imposed nutritional program I was imposing the idea of "lack" upon myself. "I can't have this. I can't have that. waa waa waa." Truth is I can eat whatever I want. I have the ability to choose foods that hum or foods that yum. & that means that there is very little "lack" in my life. Anyone who can choose & afford to eat healthy foods, is economically blessed no matter what is going on in other aspects of her existence.
3. I was becoming one of those people who is fixated on only one aspect of her life..... kind of like an elderly person who can only talk about bowel movements, medications, or what the doctor said. Since I am working to be a healthy, active, well-rounded senior citizen (if I must be old, let me be young at heart and mind..... & no, I don't mean afflicted with Alzheimer's), my constant obsessing was defeating the purpose.
4. There just isn't too much to say. There are days when I don't do so well. I eat whatever fits into my schedule and suffer the consequences - icky taste in the mouth, fatigue, bloat, crankiness, foggy thoughts,  etc. But for the most part, I am eating well. I am fitting into my clothes easier.  My energy level is higher and my thoughts a bit clearer. & I am beginning to feel somewhat "clean" inside. & that is what it is all about.




Saturday, June 11, 2011

Here we go again....again

Yes, day 4 did not go so well.

There is a time limit for me I think. When I hit the 9 hour mark at work, that's when I start to go a little jonesy. Cravings are especially intense if I have not had a proper break during the day.

 A proper break allows one to completely separate from the demands of the work day. It includes food, rest, socializing, or reading or doing a bit of whatever helps the person feel like a person instead of an automaton. Back in the day, my breaks in  good weather would often consist of unrolling my mat underneath a tree in the green space across the road from my building. There I would practice asana or meditation or simply sit and read. After my so-called promotion, days became too busy to separate from the duties. There is always an eight-ball pointed at my forehead.  And the green space is no longer green but covered with condos. So..... if I eat throughout the day, the experience is more like "shovel & swallow" while I write notes, plan events, return phone calls or .... whatever.

So, around 7:00 last night I broke. The m&m's were calling me. Talking to me I say. & then supper was pizza .... glorious pizza.... and beer.  *sigh*

My cravings are associated with negative emotions, of course. Sometimes my reasoning is that life sucks and there is no reason to be healthy. At least this is what I work through when I am resisting the urge to go through the drive-thru on the way home. Sometimes there is no reasoning at all... just a strong magnetic pull towards unhealthy foods similar to the moon's pull on the ocean's waves. There is no thinking until it's done. Then there is remorse, guilt, shame, that sinking feeling of failure ..... then more bad food. 'Cause Screw it. Damage has already been done.

The psychological reasons for my unhealthy appetite comprise a deep pile of dirty laundry that I am not going to air at this time. And, yeah I could blame my mother, my upbringing, the food companies, & whatever else. But at this point in my life, the blame sits with me. Only me.

So, I begin again.  

Friday, June 10, 2011

Day 4

Day 3 is done. Yes it was a bit difficult but not too bad.

On to day 4.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Day 3

Made it through yesterday. Yesterday was a little harder than the day before.

The 3 1/2 hours of work felt like 8 for some reason, & my cravings were more intense. But that day is behind me and a new one has begun.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is a lifestyle change, not a band aid diet.



Cooking is not really my forte. I do not mind the act of cooking, but tend to stick to basics or follow a recipe without any deviation what so ever. However the other night I was kind of creative in the kitchen. And the dish came out pretty good.

In search of non-meat protein sources (I tend to be a "carbotarian" as opposed to a healthy vegetarian), I wanted to do something with rice and beans. And I ended up with a nice black eyed pea and rice dish. I credit most of its tastiness to the smoked tempeh strips I used. But I did get a little adventurous with the spices. (for me anyway).

So, onward and onward. Day 3 - here we go.



Wednesday, June 8, 2011

the May rain

The May rain made our front yard look like a dandelion farm or a baby meadow.

I thought it was beautiful & was sad to see it mowed.


day 2

So, I made it through day 1.

I was only at work for about 5 hours and the stress level was low - meaning that i could focus on what i needed to do as opposed to trying to accomplish 3 or 4 other jobs.

I seem to get the most cravings when I am the most stressed which is normal. If i have to do my job and the job of my assistant (just d/t staffing), I seem to get overwhelmed with thinking about deadlines and how to fit everything into 8 hours and how i would not have taken a promotion if I knew it was going to be like this and yadayadayaday....... I usually end up working through lunch and staying late. By 5 o'clock I feel beaten, used and abused and am hitting up the vending machine for my "just rewards".  Just thinking about it brings that icky feeling in the chest, the empty feeling in the gut and the feeling of something in the throat that I just can't swallow.

Today I will only be there for about 3 hours. Overtime is a big no-no.
 No overtime, but no time to accomplish all that needs to be done either. In an attempt to stay employed, I have just done 2 hours of work on my home computer. Maybe I will submit this time for payment, maybe I will just have to eat it. We will see.




peanuts-aargh-baseball.jpg
http://media.gamerevolution.com/images/misc/Image/peanuts-aargh-baseball.jpg




Not that I am ungrateful. I am very grateful for employment in the challenging job market. 

I am merely trying to get a handle on what triggers my craving for comfort foods. And job stress is a big trigger. As I type all of this, the sensations in my body have intensified. 

So, anyway, day 2 is off and running had a nice breakfast consisting of fruit and plain yogurt. 

There is time for me to enjoy the day before I have to meet my responsibilities. So, I shall. 

_____________

P.s. I don't know why the font changed nor can I figure how to change it back to the nice font of the first paragraphs. If anyone has any insight on this, let me know? Please? 




Tuesday, June 7, 2011

here we go again

I went to my wonderful chiropractor, Dr. Kevin Jordan yesterday. Started seeing Doctor Jordan a bit over a year ago. He also practices  Total Body Modification & I think he works on some kind of intuitive level too, but I am not going to tarnish the man's reputation among the muggles by stating this as fact.

During my first visit with Dr. J., he conducted a series of muscle tests designed to inform about the well being of my body's workings. He found that my liver is weak and my sugars were out of control. No big surprise there. My mother died of liver failure and although I was not really worried about developing diabetes at that time, my lifestyle was leading to that result.

So, at Dr. Jordan's suggestion I began a sugar control program. For 3 weeks I strictly followed the program. No products with refined sugar in them, only sprouted wheat bread, all the fruits & veggies I want and protein protein protein. Then I had a "pig out" meal consisting of eggplant parm., pasta, beer & cake. A check in showed that my body was repairing itself thanks to the change in nutrition. I felt so good on the program that I stayed with it ...... for about 3 months anyway.

Flash forward - a visit to the good doctor yesterday showed that my sugars are once again extremely out of whack. So, here we go again.

Yesterday I did great. Fruit, veggies, protein .... no sodas, no chocolate, no problem. But yesterday I was off from work. So, the stress level was greatly reduced. Today ..... we will see. Send me some love and encouragement if you are reading this.

Many of you are probably scoffing at me right now. Thinking "TBM? hmpff". Look, all I know is that it's a crazy feeling when my muscles are being tested and I am holding for it's worth and the doc can drop my leg with a fingertip of pressure. That's all I know. & all I know is how much better I felt after certain foods were eliminated and switched up. So - scoff all you want. But get out of my way.

Better health, here I come. 

Monday, March 7, 2011

Yoga for neck and shoulders


Very rarely do I plan what asanas to bring to my yoga students anymore. I have learned that most class plans go awry. A nice hip opening sequence will be greeted with a class filled with achy shoulders. These days I just try to follow the flow of my students' energy. & usually I do not remember what I offered to them after the fact. 

But the following practice is one that was somewhat planned and somewhat remembered.  & now it is yours for the taking. 
*remember to consult your doctor before undertaking any exercise program. 


Neck & Shoulders  - 9/20/10

1)Opening Breath – In sukhasana (simple sitting)
Draw hands to hips, elbows pointing out.
Bring your awareness to your lower belly as you inhale. Allow your belly to inflate as you breathe in & compress as you breathe out. Rest at the top of your inhalation. Holding the breath inside you for a few seconds. Then release. Take 5 breaths in this manner.

Inhale spread the arms wide. Exhale hands in front of chest – fingertips lightly touching and palms facing down. Draw your awareness to the front, back, & sides of your chest. 5 breaths – resting at the top of the inhalations.

Inhale raise the arms up. Exhale hands to upper back. Elbows are pointing straight up. Draw your awareness to your upper chest, neck and throat. 5 breaths – resting at the top of each inhalation.

Sit quietly. Feeling your breath move through your body. Resting down into the present moment.

2) Slowly begin to circle your head in a clockwise direction. Move slowly. Coordinate the movement with your breath. Be careful to not drop your head back.
Begin to bring this circling motion to your shoulders and upper chest. Keep your pelvis grounded, sit bones connected, tailbone tucked.
Draw this motion down to your lower belly and into your hips. Again keep your pelvis grounded.
Imagine the tensions of your day, any unnecessary mind talk, any fears, worries unraveling and spiraling down your spine and releasing through your tailbone.

Begin to rotate the body in the opposite direction starting from the base of the body moving up. Imagine drawing in safety at the tailbone, creativity at the navel, courage at he solar plexus, compassion at the heart, truth at throat center. End with slow rotations of the head. 
Sit quietly resting with the breath.

(For added core strengthening, move into dandasana (staff posture) for the following movements.)

3)Exhale & turn your head to the left taking the chin towards or over your left shoulder. Rest here for about 5 breaths. Inhale head to center. Exhale head to right. Rest here for about 5 breaths.

4)Inhale lift right arm up. Exhale fingertips to the top of the head. Inhale. Exhale, draw right ear towards right shoulder. Right hand is simply resting on the head, not pushing. For a deeper stretch drop the left hand to the floor beside its hip. Hold for a few breaths. Release
Repeat on the other side.

5)Inhale, draw arms up. Interlace the fingers. Turn the palms up towards the sky. Lengthen from the tailbone up through the palms. Work on maintaining space between the shoulders and ears. Breathe deeply.
Drop the hands to the back of the head. Exhale and press hands into head, head into hands. Hold for 5 – 10 breaths. Exhale & relax chin towards chest allowing elbows to move towards one another. No pushing. No pulling on the head. Just release.
Inhale back to center. Draw arms up. Fingers still interlaced. Exhale hands to forehead. Press hands to head, head to hands for a few breaths.
Inhale hands over head. Exhale left hand to left leg, right hand to the right side of head. Press hand into head, head into hand. Hold and breathe.
Repeat on the left side.

Release the neck with a few slow circles of the head.
Sit quietly noticing any sensations that may arise.

6) Inhale arms over head. Exhale arms down in front of the body. Roll forward moving yourself into a squat. From here, press up into Tadasana (mountain).
Inhale arms over head. Exhale hands to hips, round the shoulders, bend the knees and move into a gentle forward fold. Let the crown of the head move towards the floor. Relax the neck. Nod your head yes. Shake your head no. Relax. Inhale. Roll up to mountain.
Repeat 3X.

7)In tadasana, inhale arms over head. Exhale tip yourself to one side. Hold here.
Inhale back to center. Exhale to the other side. Hold here. Inhale back to center.
Return to tadasana.

8) With a yoga strap – hold strap by both ends. Arms a bit more than shoulder width apart. Keep the arms straight and the shoulder blades engaged as you inhale the arms overhead then exhale the arms behind the back. If one or both of your elbows bends, slacken the strap by moving your arms farther apart until you can keep the arms straight. Repeat this motion 10-20 X or what is comfortable for you.
Still holding the strap, bring the arms to the front of the body. Lessen the slack of the strap by moving the hands towards its middle. Inhale, raise the arms over the head. Exhale, drop the arms behind you just a bit as you keep the shoulder blades engaged. Your arms should not move very far down your back & there should be a feeling of opening in your armpits. Stay here for 5 – 10 breaths or whatever is comfortable.
Exhale – drop body to the right, - hold for 5 breaths. Inhale back to center – exhale to left. Hold here. Then return to mountain.

9) Fold the strap until you are holding both ends and your arms are shoulder width apart. Inhale the arms overhead. Exhale –pull the arms down so that the strap ends up behind your head at neck level. Engage the shoulder blades and with resistance raise the arms. Repeat 5 – 10 x.
Drop the strap.

10) From mountain  - Inhale lifting arms to sky and rolling up onto the balls of the feet. See if you can keep the heels lifted as you exhale into a squat –hands to heart. Inhale- press back up into mountain. Repeat 3x

11) From mountain exhale into a squat. Then move into a kneeling position.  Bring left hand to lower back. Inhale right arm up by right ear. Engage the shoulder blades. With an exhalation, begin to reach to the ground. Keep the arm by the ear as you stretch and reach forward. Bring fingertips to the floor. Shoulder blades stay engaged. Inhale. Exhale turn the head toward the right arm. Inhale back to center. Exhale the head in the opposite direction. Inhale head to center. Exhale. Relax. Inhale back to kneeling, Repeat 3 x on this side.
Move to opposite side. Do the movement 4 x.

12) Move into child’s pose. With the breath turn the head to the left and right.
Relax into child’s pose.

13) Inhale into table. Exhale into cat pose. Inhale into cow. Repeat 5x.

14) Extend the right leg out behind you. Move into modified side plank by dropping the inside of the right foot to the floor. Draw the right hand to its hip and open up through the chest. Draw the right arm alongside the body but not touching the body. Move the right shoulder up towards its ear. Slide the shoulder away from the ear and the shoulder blade down the back. Open up through the right side of the chest. Spiraling the chest towards the ceiling. Hold for 5 breaths.

15) Move back into child’s pose

16) Repeat 13 -15 on the opposite side. Move back into child’s pose.

17) From Child’s pose, slide forward into sphinx. Gently bob the head up and down. Release tension from the neck.  Then hold for 5 breaths.

18) From sphinx, move back into down dog or stretching puppy. If in down dog, again release tension from the neck by nodding and shaking the head gently. Hold for 5 breaths.

19) Walk the feet and hands towards one another into a forward fold.

20) From forward fold, move into an easy squat, then into a sit. Then mindfully roll to your back.

21) Bring the heels in line with the hips. Extend the arms wide. Exhale & drop the knees to the right while gently turning the head to the left. Hold for 5 breaths. Inhale back to center. Repeat on other side.

22) Relax into savasana.




Namaste.







~ Begin

~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes  Women Who Run with the Wolves  Photograph credit - Jenn L. MasonGambitta