7.27.11(11.18.12)

7/27/11

&

11/18/12

I feel the need to create.

To give purpose to my hands,  head,  heart .. to my soul & the ancestors of my soul whose songs, poems & stories have become drowned out by ticking clocks, car engines,  & bad sitcom banter

Whose inspiration have been buried in deep empty pockets by material expectations

& I ….. I just feel that I am too heavy.

Bonded to the earth. & not  as a  fierce, primal passionate earth mother, soil sister dancing down the bones kind of way.

More like the roly-poly girl of my past (present) trying to be rhythmic & graceful of but unable to find lightness in the sole of her feet.

There is no lightness in the sole of my soul.

I miss giving birth to an idea, story, poetry, even a doodle drawing.

Simply Putting pen to paper

Words, phrases, ideas flowing from somewhere within

Sometimes laboriously & painfully pushing out the perfect word

Or gang of words to express exactly …. Exactly  “IT”

& getting lost – mind, heart & soul completely obsessed,

Dancing cheek to cheek

Heart to heart with my muse.

I miss my muse.

I miss her  murmurs & mutterings that softly tickled my insides then grew into

 playful whispers, sweet promises gentle caresses until there was nothing but my muse to me.

& with pure  abandonment of responsibilities, fear of criticism, I surrendered.

She and I would sit curled together

sometimes on a dirty floor in a corner of the kitchen,

or in a cold break room amid  conversations about the best price for pork loin and canned pears.

Sometimes in a parking lot in my car. The windows fogging up with heat of writing without abashment, without worry of being late for something,  of being something that I’m not for someone. 

Just me & my muse – rocking to the primal drumbeat of creativity – allowing her song to erupt, to spill forth until the paper was filled and was emptied ….  satisfied.

& maybe what we brought into this plane was good – maybe not. Not all children turn out well, no matter how much effort is put into their development.

But, the dance was beautiful.

I miss my muse. 

copyright 2012 

Jennifer Mason

words of advice from Walt

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.” 

― Walt Whitman
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/service